In the beginning, there was nothing except for Our Lord Mike Lienhart. Our Lord was the master of all mathematics with all knowledge and power over its confusing laws. Lord Mike created all there is with regard to mathematics, including the handy-dandy function detector passed down throughout the ages and the holy solving technique known as Goal Number factoring. As Our Lord expanded his own power in mathematics, he began to create the universe according to these principles. He used a geometry proof to prove that the earth and all the other planets would revolve around the sun in our galaxy, and used the formula for wavelength to the find the amount by which the planets would move in their revolution around the sun. He applied a standard deviation to the curvature of the earth to create the mountains, the valleys, and the wonders of this world. He used exponential functions to develop perfect curves and shaped of the Earth. He developed the unit circle to give meaning to the shape of our earth and the other plants, and bestowed upon us Algebra II and DyKnow. Our Lord presided over this universe which he created and he knew that it was Good. Ages passed, but Our Lord found their to be little purpose in this empty universe, and decided to give life to the species of Man. Thus the world as we know it came to be. Our Lord then created Archangel Collin Petrello and the other angles to preside over earthly mathematics. Our Lord gave Petrello the Holy Tablets of Mathematics and the teachings to give to us, through the ancient text Pre-Calculus; With Limits (Pearson). Our Gracious Lord Mike then bestowed upon Archangel Petrello the Cardigan of Knowledge, and the Box in which contains all evil algebraic equations (those which should not be named nor spoken of). Our Lord Mike instructed Archangel Petrello to keep this box close to him at all times, to watch over it closely and keep it from evil hands.
"Archangel Petrello," spoke Lord Mike, "you must understand, the disciples you have on earth will never be able to truly understand mathematics like you can. They are imperfect; flawed, weak-minded. You will be their guide. They are not evil, they are made in my image; lovingly crafted by their father in heaven. But they are not of heaven. They can be corrupted, which is why I am sending you to guide them, love them, as I love you."
"My Lord," responded Lord Petrello, "I will follow your will and guide your children. I will love them like you have loved me, and teach them as you have taught me. Lord, I only ask that you give me the power to do so. I will teach them the disciplines of Algebra, Pre-Calculus, and Statistics."
Then LORD Mike led Petrello into the land of mortals, Earth. This descent is now known as the Holy Descent from the Stairs of Heaven. Accompanied by his servants Gerry and Brad, they make their descent into the land their disciples inhabit. The holy triumvirate return to their heavenly home in the sky, leaving Archangel Petrello to preside of the land.
The Lord Petrello’s disciples were:
Cæsar, son of Geno
John Doe, son of Doe
The Twins LaEace, sons of LaEace
Joshua Pack, son of Mama Pack
Michael Wergers, son of Wergers
Matthew Newland, brother of Keith
Eric Treinen, son of Treinen
William thomas, son of sneaky crooks Thomas & Thomas Law Firm
Nicholas Rockey, son of Rock Knockey
Andrew Martini, son of Scoot and Amy
Anthony Siciliano, father of modern Italian cuisine
The disciple William Thomas said to Lord Petrello, "What is in the box, My Lord?”
Lord Petrello replied, "My child, when the Lord Mike sent me to Earth, he gave me this box to protect you from. Under no circumstance should anyone open it, let alone talk about it."
But William was a curious child, and while Archangel Petrello was teachings the wonders of mathematics to his disciples, William began to work on the puzzle which kept the box locked.
"William! Step away from that immediately!" Archangel Petrello's voice shook the room. William was immediately removed from the box and Our Lord quickly closed the box back up. But our Lord is a forgiving Lord, and pardoned William from his egregious mistake.
Our Lord Petrello bestowed upon each and every one of his disciples access to his vast knowledge. Our Lord believed that every disciple has the ability to use mathematics as he did. He was noble in his work, but he had strayed slightly from his Lord Mike. He wanted to give his disciples his full knowledge, even though he knew that his disciples could never have his abilities in mathematics. He taught his disciples passionate throughout his time on earth, imparting with them the knowledge he had of mathematics. He devoted all of his time to teaching his disciples. Soon his disciples had all the knowledge Petrello had to give, and therefore were nearly at the same level as Lord Petrello. Soon they became belligerent, and disobedient toward their Lord. The one who is know in ancient texts as antichristos, Gabriel Geiger, was originally one of Lord Petrello’s students. But one day, Geiger let loose the evil which unlocked the Box of Evil Algebra, known only as SICKO MODE. Let it be known that Geiger did not intend to release the evils into the world, though he was evil. It was as if he accidently let hell spill into the mortal world with this. At that moment, the box of Evil algebra was unleashed onto Archangel Petrello and he was corrupted. His awesome fall from grace contributed to the Second Great Death in the Church of Mathematics (the first being the institution of Juliette Miller). After the Second Great Death, the church of Mathematics suffered greatly. The disciples were scattered, the religion itself nearly destroyed. But in death, there was life. Like a wildflower, sprung up among the ashes of a forest fire. Collin Petrello, like a Phoenix, rose again and began to teach with a new fervor never seen before in all history.